In times like these
by Tamazine
Summary: What if Scarlett had realized her feelings for Rhett much earlier? How would she and everyone involved handle such a situation? An idea that occured me when I reread GWTW. Ratet K just in case... Please read&review!
1. Chapter 1

First of all: I don't own any of the characters displayed in Mitchells' novel Gone with the Wind.

So, what if Scarlett realized her feeling towards Rhett much earlier? What if she realized them at a time, when she could not allow herself such feelings? How could this have influented the lifes of everyone involved with Scarlett?

This is my first GWTW-fanfic ever and most important my first fanfiction in English so please be gentle ;) Reviews are very appreciated! I'd love to find out what you think about this.

IN TIMES LIKE THESE

It was a dull and hard time Scarlett found herself in. Well, in fact she didn't found herself in, because Scarlett hardly paid attention towards her feelings and sentiments. She would become hard and would freeze her heart in order to protect herself from worlds cruelity. She felt she couldn't count on anybody but herself. Never did she allow herself to let her guard down but pushed herself with amirable force through life. She survived war, hunger and humilitation, she saved the life of many people but never did she think of it. She didn't felt she saved herself and her folks from starvation but instead had a feeling of great loss whenever she thought about her home – Tara. Yes, she did marry Frank Kennedy to save Tara from the greedy hands of Jonas Wilkerson, but now she lived in Atlanta – a city she loved since her father told her that they were of the same age, even if that wasn't correct as she learnd in her first year at Atlanta – and felt numb. She missed the red hills of Tara, that once were adorned by long lines of cotton but now were only the shadow of themselfes, covert by dirt and weeds.

Nontheless she missed her home, the only place where she felt she was young. And in fact she was young, but at twenty-one she already carried her second child. A fact that left her the impression of being old. And she hated nothing more than being old. At Tara she had held all responsibility for everything but there weren't any restictions or at least nobody had paid attention. But all these sewing circles in Atlanta simply made her feel sick. Her husband infact didn't improve her feelings but aggravated them. Even Ashley, her precious Ashley couldn't help her. When seeing him she felt she carried the hole world on her shoulders, as if she had seen so much, as if she definitively was old. And Melanie, sweet Melanie, was so content with her current life, on Ashleys side, with her son, that it pained Scarlett tremendously whenever she saw her sweet heartshaped face with ist big brown eyes that held so much love for her. Everytime she called on her she would tell her how happy she was, that they were sisters, dispite Charles had died so long ago and how much she owed her. Scarlett felt she would scream if Melly ever said those words again.

Of all people Rhett Butler was the only one who made her feel alive. Her mocked her, made fun of her but importantly he listend to her, when she told him about her business and he gave her tipps to improve it. With Rhett she feld young again, not because he was much older than her – her own husband was senior to Rhett – but because he made her laugh and because he was the only one who was able to let her steely eyes sparkle with amusement or happiness or very often anger. Because even if she was grateful everytime he was around they would always end up fighting because of him mocking her. But even then, when she would throw her head up and turning her back sharply at him she could feel life prickle in her bones. When he would throw his head back to roar with laughter she smiled a silent smile for he was – dispite beeing a scalawag – a very good company. Often she would wonder why on earth he was so intrigued by her, because she knew he was, but never did she spent much time to think about it and so came to no conclusion.

Of course Frank Kennedy was not so amused by the constant calls from Captain Butler, but Scarlett dismissed him with a simply „Fiddle-dee-dee, I recieve whom I please."

Never since the day Scarlett laid down her mourning for Charles Hamilton the ‚old guard' of Atlanta approved of her. But now, seeing that Scarlett was escorted by that Butler to her mills – through the woods most of all and pregnant – was nearly to much to bear. Mrs. Merryweather, who set herself on the mission to guide Scarlett on the right path of life called several times on her but Scarlett would only set on her most innocent smile and tell her how grateful she was that captain Butler was such a good friend and how he helped her in this situation when Frank , because of his store, had no time to escort her through the woods. Of course she knew how it must look like, but beeing so close friends to all of the ladies she knew that they would understand her. Frank simply couldn't feet two families and she had to make sure that at Tara noone felt hunger. Mrs. Merryweather often didn't know how to face this oh-so-loving Scarlett and when she left the house Scarlett could be seen with a most satisfied smile on her face. Again she had beaten the old cats with their own arms. Butt hese little victories did nothing to brighten her life. She hated the fact that she lived with Frank in Aunt Pittys home. One half of the house, as an heritage from Charles, belonged to her and she had decided that she wouldn't spent money if there was somewhere money to save. She longed for a home just for herself, without Pittys constant attacks and even without Franks dowdy character. She longed for Tara, but Tara was far away now and Scarlett was determined to make money. To make so much money that she would never again be afraid of hunger and poverty. So Tara would have to wait a little longer. She surely would be home soon.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey thanks to everyone fort he reviews! You are so very nice I enjoyed it immensly to read them I hope you'll like the new Chapter and that you'll keep on reading ;)

Hugs

IN TIMES LIKE THESE

Normally Scarlett would have slept at least another two hours but the irritating feeling of not being at home woke her up. For a moment she stirred in sleep bevor she groggily opend her eyes to take into her surroundings. With a heavy sigh she rubbed her eyes as she recognizes her room at Aunt Pitty's. It took another moment or two bevor this feeling of homelessness would leave her. Hesitantly she turned over to the other side of the bed to see if her husband was still asleep. Furtunately the sheets of the side were crumbled but Frank was nowhere to be seen. Scarlett rolled on her back again and tried to surpress the feeling of nausea that washed over her. She stared at the ceiling not exactly knowing if this sickness was a fault of her pregnancy or more likely came over her as she thought about sleeping every night in the same bed as that old man. Carefully she laid her hands on her growing stomache desperately trying to calm down her breath. How she would be able to live the rest of her life beside this man she didn't know. Why, just why had her honor prohibited her to just ask him to lend her the money? He would surely given it to her if she had just asked. But she couldn't accept charity. Her pride wouldn't allow it and so she stole her sisters beaux to save her home. And what did she get from it? Tara was save, yes, but she was stucked with an old man she despised and far away from Tara. She felt tears building up in her eyes but she blinked them away decidedly. She would not cry! She hated crying for it showed her weakness. And she refused being weak. She could not effort it. „I won't think about it. I don't know why this stupid pregnancy effects me so much but I won't be crying about things that happend and aren't to be changed." She closed her eyes a brief moment to regain her composure. Then she sat up in bed ringing for Mammy to help her dress.

When Mammys heavy body entered her room, Scarlett already sat in front of her vanity-table brushing her long silky hair. She wasn't paying attention to her doing and stared blindly in the mirror barely aknowloging the presence of her old ladies maid. „Good mornin' Miz Scarlett. Did you sleep well?" Mammy shot her a suspicious look, not used to Scarletts solemn mood. It was then that Scarlett awoke from her trance and gently set down her brush. „Well, honestly I didn't sleep very comfortable. I feel my back is arching from this pregnancy." She sighed when Mammy lovingly pattered her shoulder. „Don't you worry Miss Scarlett, dat will be over in no time. So what does mah lamb want to wear?"

„It doesn't matter to me as long it is comfortable. You may fetch the bordeaux dress, the one with the high waistline, so I won't have to wear a corset. I don't feel up to it now." Mammy smiled happily over the fact, that for once Scarlett and her had the same opinion to not wear a corset during the pregnancy. When Scarlett was expecting Wade Hampton she hadn't worn a corset only for he fact that she was a widow and wasn't allowed to receive male callers. So it had been useless, to Scarletts opinion, to hold on such a facade. But knowing Scarlett Mammy had suspected that this time it would be more difficult to make Scarlett stay at home. And in fact, did Scarlett seldom stayed at home. And for the first month she had worn constantly a corset until she began to show up. Mammy had scolded her that she would harm the baby and for a brief moment Scarlett felt guilty but then she reminded herself of the mills that had to be taken care and got her will as usually.

„Dat sounds good honeychile. I's told ya befor, that it is no good in wearing dat corset when ya carrying a baby." Scarlett nodded only, while massaging her temples with her fingertips. She had closed her eyes when the headache began slowly to creep over her forhead. „Yes, I know Mammy. I think you were right. Now please help me dress or I'll cange my mind and return to bed."

When Scarlett went downstairs for breakfast Frank, Pitty and Wade already sat down eating. Pitty fussed over Wade while Frank was reading yesterdays newspaper. Scarlett would never know his obsession for reading a newspaper that wasn't up-to-date. „Good Morning. I'm sorry I'm late." She ruffeld Wades silky chestnut brown hair and gave Frank a quick peck on the cheek. One of pure obligation. „That's no problem, Scarlett. We just started breakfast without you. Wade was rather hungry as were I." Pittypat cut in, while Wade ducked a bit down, afraid his mother would become mad of him for telling Auntie Pittypat that he was hungry. But to his relief and joy his mother only nodded and gave him an uneasy smile „Why of course. It's good you didn't wait for me. I just didn't slept well last night so I decided to rest a bit." She focused on her plate that was loaded with food. Mammy knew Scarlett had a very natural appetite and that she just loved having a big breakfast but during her pregnancy Scarlett either ate like a horse or she was unable to swallow anything. Today she only had to look at the beacon swimming in a thick sauce on her plate to went pale. Wade watched his mother wondering how she could ever be so beautiful. He was sure he had the most beautiful mother in the hole world. Her hair was done in a loose bun on one side of her neck and a few locks had freed themselves out of the pins and framed her lovely face, that seemed to be made of porcelain. „Mother do you feel well?" He piped worridly as her face went pale and she pushed the plate away. „Yes Wade, nothing to worry your little head about. I'm just not hungry." She forced herself to smile and tried to appreciate her son worrying over her but it just irritated her as did everything. Now Frank looked up from his stupid newspaper „Honey don't you think you should eat? For the baby?" he asked rather scared than gently. Scarlett could have screamed. If she weren't pregnant, she could drive around and be careless and check on her mills and most of all she could visit Ashley. Her precious, lovely Ashley. But no, everyone had to remind her of this unpleasend status! „I-I just think I can't eat this. It's just to heavy." She started when Mammy came in to bring some tea and coffee scrowling at what she had just overheard. „Miz Scarlett you sho eat that food. I ain't going away till that plate of yours is empty." Scarlett shot her a heated glare. „I just can't ear this. You may bring me some bread and jam and I'll see if I can manage to eat something."

Scarlett was seated comfortably in a sette nearby the fireplace. She had slipped of to a light sleep the sewing on her lap, a hand rested nearly protective on her grown stomache and the other hand hanging loosely to her side. Her head was titled to a side while her heavy peaceful breath signaled her slumber. Wade was playing with the tin soldiers Rhett had brought him from his last trip to Europe. Frank sat near the window in the twilight of the afternoon to go over his store accounts. He didn't want to disturbe Scarletts sleep with lighting a lamp and so he just took advantage of the remaining light, even if it was not very helpfull since it rained continously since friday morning. Scarletts mood had nearly been insupportable for he had not allowed her to go out to her mills with this weather. He put off his glasses and wondered briefly how a woman like Scarlett could probably have become so icy and distant. He remembered her being sweet and funny and flirty befor the war had started. But then, had the war not changed them all? But Frank didn't notice that he hadn't really changed. In fact, little did he know about what Scarlett went through during the war because neither was she bend on telling her tales nor did he especially asked her about the month between after war and their marriage. He had a slightly suspicion about the real reason she'd married him but he wasn't as forward enough to ask her. God knew, she had a very intimidating temperament. He knew only few people to not get afraid of her when she was becoming mad. With most people she pulled herself together. Especially Miss Melly and Ashley and Miss Pitty. The ones who were not afraid of her firely temperament were Mammy and that Butler fellow. He didn't liked the way Butler acted towards his wife. Frank knew that Butler took her and Miss Melly with the children out of the burning Atlanta but still it pained his honour to see his Scarlett be on such good terms with a man like Butler. He had no decency and loved to affront all of Atlantas honorable citizens. He wondered if he should talk about that topic to Scarlett. If he should let her know that he was displeased at her frienship with Butler. But then again he knew Scarlett would get very angry at him for trying to patronize her. He laughed to himself. As if any man could ever patronize her.

When Sunday dinner was served everyone was rather quite exept Pittypat of course who went on and on with themes Scarlett did not find any interest in. Frank would converse politely with the older woman, every now and then stating a commend or asking a more or less specific question. Scarlett didn't pay attention to the toppic and mostly focused on her food. She tried hard not to yawn but despite her nap in the afternoon she feld rather tired. It was not that there was a tensed atmosphere but rather the lazyness that reminded her of the hot summer days at Tara befor the war. It would have been a lovely and comforting atmosphere if only the person involved where others, she thought. She threw a stern look at Wade sitting besinde her, who was nervously sliding on his chair. When he met her gaze he went red and instantly sat still starring at his plate, trying to surpress the upcomin tears. Scarlett just rolled her eyes and stood up. „If you would excuse me please. I think I will retire to bed." Frank gave her a puzzled look „But honey, you slept all afternoon, and - " But Scarlett cut him of „I know but I feel quite burned out. Good night." She gave Wade a light kiss on the forehead „Be good to Mammy, she'll bring you to bed."

Later when Scarlett laid in bed she could hear the others in the dining room until Pitty disclaimed that she too would retire for the evening. Scarlett had anxiously awaited that moment when she heard them ascending the stairs and the door crack open. Quickly she closed her eyes to appear asleep, when Frank entered the room undressing himself and then lying down beside her. Scarletts back was facing him and she had pulled her sheeds around her. She could feel Frank sitting on his side of the bed, when his weight pressed down the mattress, and lying down. He turned around a few times befor his breath finally became even. It was then that Scarlett realized she had pressed her damp hands into fists. She tried to relax and to sleep but sleep wouldn't come easy. The man that laid beside her disgusted her even in his sleep or perhaps he disgusted her more when he slept than at any other time of the day. About him was a smell of old age. She felt a shiver run down her spine when she tried to surpress the nauseation. How she longed in this moment for a smell of life, like she didn't exactly know what it was that she was having in mind. Perhaps the smell of the moist earth at Tara after a rainy morning or the smell of her father that was always horses, whisky and leather. She stopped a moment in her thoughts when an other person, that always smelled like life itself entered her mind.


	3. Chapter 3

Hey everyone, I'm so happy about all the reviews! You are awfully kind! Thank you very much. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

IMPORTANT!!! I just wanted to add, that I thought the first chapter to be a Prologue and not a „real" chapter. But I forgot to write it. Anyways, enjoy it, keep reading and of course reviewing.

IN TIMES LIKE THESE

It was early afternoon when Scarlett was sitting at the diningtable to go over her accounts. She was glad Frank was at the store and earlier Melly came to call on Scarlett to ask her if she could take advantage of Mammys help for she had planned a dinner for the evening. She got red of embaressment when she began to stutter that she wanted to invite Scarlett but she didn't knew because of her pregnancy but Scarlett forced herself to smile and told her lightly that she didn't felt up to society and that she preferred to stay at home. Melly then insisted on taking Wade so he could play with Beau and Scarlett could have some time for herself. Scarlett gladly took her offer kissing her lightly on the cheek when they departed. So now Scarlett was alone in the house and enjoying the silence. Well, she was not alone of course for Aunt Pittypat had just went upstairs to take a nap. She was in the middle of her countings when Prissy came in without knocking. „Miz Scarlett, Miz Scarlett, Capn Butler's dere to see ya!" she shrieked and nervously fumbled on her apron. Scarlett rolles her eyes unnerved at the girls behavior „Well please guide him to the parlor and I'll be right there." She was glad she took the time this morning to fully get dressed and look presentable. Well, presentable was not the right word, for she was pregnant. But she thought she looked rather pretty from top to her, well shoulders, perhaps? She led out a desperate sigh, if she only weren't pregnant! She grabbed the silvertray from the table to mirror herself. She bit her lip lightly and pinched her cheeks to get a bit more of a colour to her pale face. She tried to smooth her hair with her hands and was grateful Mammy had done it up in a nice style this morning.

Well, what's the matter with me? It's only Rhett that is calling. But she had to admit to herself that she had missed him a lot the past weeks that he had been away. Well she hadn't seen him in quite three month, now that she thought about it. she got nervous when she thought that he hadn't known of her pregnancy then. And know he was here! And she was as fat as a whale! Well if he's up to make some stupid remarks he can go to Halifax for all I care! With that she stood and walked to the door. Entering the hall she saw the door to the parlor was closed so she could get a glimpse on herself in the mirror beside the front door. She wore a simple creme cotton dress with a square-cut quite low neck-line and ¾ sleeves. It had also a high waistline with a light turquoise sash that was done in a bow at her back. The skirt fell down in a few crinkles without a crinoline or a corset, only a few petticoats. The border of her sleeves had simple hanging-down ruffles as had the neckline. She grabbed the rich cashmere shawl hanging on the cloatrack and draped it over her shoulders trying to hide her belly as best as she could. When she entered the parlor Rhetts back was facing her. Again she wondered if she had ever seen such a powerful man, with shoulders that seemed to be able to carry the whole world on them. She hadn't and smiled lightly at his elegant dark grey suite. She was happy that she didn't looked too trashy. As soon as he heard the door open he turned elegantly with a mocking smile on his lips „My very dear Mrs. Kenn- ", at the sight in front of him he stopped dead in his tracks. His eyes went over her body in the ever so aggravating way and she flashed him an angry look. Confusion washed over his face and then something she could not identify flickered in his dark eyes. Anger? Jealousy? She didn't care. And in the next moment his mask was back in place as he moved forward to meet her.

„Scarlett, you look as lovely as ever." He had ment what he said but Scarlett only heard an insult and angrily withdrawed her hand out of his as he bend over to kiss it lightly. „If you are here for being nasty you may leave imidiately!" she heatedly stated. He smiled down at her „Come now, Scarlett. Is that a way to greet an old friend? I think congratulations are in order. Come let's sit down so you can tell me what you've been up to." Scarlett nodded slightly. She liked him when he wasn't being nasty. He could be such a good companion, when he wanted to. He sat across from her on the settee and comfortably crossed his legs. Scarlett briefly glanced at him. As always he was dressed on the top. He wore his grey suite like it was a second skin, his black cravat matching his shining shoes. He was freshly shaven and Scarlett could smell his cologne that mixed with the scent of cigars, leather and a little bit of brandy. She faintly smiled when she remembered her thought the night befor. Rhett of course noticed her expression and curiosity danced in his eyes.

„So, my dear, tell me what you have been up to?" She shot him an annoyed look „Well not much, as you can see. I have been out at the mills sometimes but then Uncle Peter refused to escort me. What a fool. I was always out with a plaid. Noone would have noticed." Rhett gave her a mocking smile „And I suppose you stayed home like a dutiful wife." – „Why of course not! I drove there by myself. I'm not a little child anymore. I'm very captable of making decisions without anyone fussing over me as if I was a silly goose." She retorted heatedly. But now it was Rhetts turn to get angry „You have been driving alone to the mills? Are you stupid? Don't you know what may happen if any of the white trash or the poor blacks get you in their hands? Have you lost your mind?" He had jumped out of the settee, almost yelling at her. Scarlett was quite taken aback by his actions. „Oh fiddle-dee-dee. I have a gun and besides, what do you think you are talking to me like that?" But he silenced her with a move of his hand „I'll escort you from now on. And don't try to fool me out."

„No thanks. I'm very fine on my own. Besides, what would everyone think, if I would let you escort me."

„I don't think you paid attention towards town gossip when you drove out there all alone. I don't give a damn about what the old guard thinks. You don't seem to have enough common sense in your mind if you are willing to expose yourself to such a danger. Whatever, I'll meet you tomorrow at eleven in the morning on the nothern fork that leads out of the city. But now let's change the subject. I brought you something from Rome." Scarletts face lit up with this the previous argument completely forgotten. „Oh really Rhett? Oh please show me!" he grinned at her childish joy and pulled out a small box. Her whole body showed curiousity, eagerness and a hint of reservation for it was not allowed to recieve present from a man who was not your husband especially if you were a married woman. But Scarlett showed away long ago all the strict rules that stood in her way and so she happily took the present. She opend the box and inside lay two beautiful ivory combs decorated with an ornament of pearls and a small emerald on the middle. „Oh Rhett, they are so lovely. Thank you very much." She wispered and smiled at him gratefully. „You're welcome. Come, let me." He stood and moved towards her, pulling the combs out of her hands and arranging them in her hair. Scarlett felt his fingers run through her locks and her stomach began to flutter while the fine hairs on her neck stirred up. For an instant she wished to feel his lips on her head, when he would bury his face in her hair or feel his hot breath when he pressed his lips against her sinsitive neck. Why, what is the matter with me? I'm behaving, as if I were in love with him. But I'm not! It's Ashley thats in my heart! But Rhett swept her out of her thoughts „I found them in a little antique shop in the historical centre. I assume they are from the regency period and i found them very charming. I imidiately had to think of you so I simply bought them. Do you like them?"

„Oh why, of course I do!" she stood up to watch herself in the mirror and to create a little more distance between them. „They are just lovely!" She turned for a several times and then returned to sit. „So you have been in Rome? Tell me! I beg you had a lot of fun there!" She went red from embaressment as soon as the words escaped her lips. Rhett trew his head back and roard with deep laughter „My my, Mrs. Kennedy what a personal question of yours!"

„You know perfectly well I didn't mean that kind of fun!" She stated heatedly. Oh just why did she always had to make a fool of herself in front of Rhett? And just why did she feel this stitch of jealousy? Well she considered Rhett some kind of beaux and she always had a very possessiv feeling towards her beauxs. Nothing else!

„Well it was quite hot for Octobre but to satisfy your curiosity I had a lot of work to do, so I wasn't up to too much fun", chuckling he changed the subject „So where is everyone? It seems like a divine intervetion that I found you all alone at home." He grinned at her in a boyish manner that Scarlett couldn't stay mad. „I'm not at all alone. Pitty is taking a nap upstairs. Frank is working and Melly came this morning to pick up Wade and asked for Mammys help. So you see, there's nothing about any divine intervention at all."

She gave him a half smile as he sardonically raised an eyebrow. All emotions where hidden behind his aloof mask but inside his mind was twirling. She seemed somewhat softned. He couldn't quite put his finger on but her face didn't hold that hard and determined expression it had held a couple of month befor, then again she seemed to feel so queasy in her skin that he only wanted to take her in his arms and never let her go. When she had entered the room his first thought was to run to the store and shoot that old Kennedy that had dared to touch her. He couldn't think about it or he would become insane. It twisted his heart to think that she was committed to that old man who didn't know anything about her, that couldn't appreciate her strong will, her beautiful face and most of all her smiles, her girlish giggles when her mind was free of all problems and duties. He hated himself for the fact that he hadn't been able to help her when she had asked him. That day when she came to the jail she had been so desperate to save Tara that he should have known what she was able to do. She had offered herself to him, a very alluring proposion and when he couldn't help her she went away, head held high as he knew her and had sold herself to another man. As much as it pained him, he was proud of her. Proud because she was able to find a resolution on her own. She didn't need any help from anyone but was always able to survive. Hell, she even faced Sherman and his army!

A cheeky grin grew on his face „ I see. Perhaps you're right. But then, who ever knows. But I won't press the issue. Seeing that you seem to afraid of believing me." He grinned mockingly but Scarlett only rolled her eyes. The nerves of that man! Still she felt, that he was in a good mood. His jokes were non of his hard ones that were meant to hurt her but he bantered with her to lighten her mood. And she had to admit, he was successful. Well, everytime Rhett was around she was higher in spirits, not only because he made her laugh, but because he callenged her. After an argument with him she always felt a flash of adrenaline swep through her veins. And even now she felt the callenge mobilize her. Was he trying to tell her she was a coward? She new better than that. She knew also that he wasn't jesting her but tried to tease out her temper. „I am certainly not afraid of believing you, but what you've said is simply ridiculous." Dispite her harsh words she smiled. This whole conversation was ridiculous. When had they ever talked about something as stupid as divine intervention? He seemed to think the same, when a real smile lit his face at seeing her expression. Scarlett was quite taking aback by that smile. Seldomly his face was, when he directed her, devoid of mockery. But now it was and Scarlett felt herself relaxing in his company, without expecting some cruel or jesting remark. It felt good being in his company without being tensed and anxiously waiting for a biting speeched to reply for. „Rhett why can't we always be on such good terms? I mean, why do we always have to fight and get mad at each other, when it is so enjoyable to just talk to each other?" She saw something briefly flicker in his eyes and his body become tense. Oh no! Now I've ruined this peaceful situation. Why did I have to say something as stupid as this?

But hesitant his smile returned and he again relaxed, streching his long legs in front of her. „Well, I mostly agree with you. It's rather nice to talk to you without you yelling at me", he smiled wickedly at her „but then again, what would life be without any quarrels. And I have to admit it is awful amusing when your temper raises. But now I'm afraid I revealed my secret."

„What kind of secret?"

„I see, I've nothing to be afraid of." He laughed as Scarlett, becoming slightly mad at him threw, in a very unlaylike manner, a pillow in his direction. Laughing' he caught it, Scarlett grinning with him „You may thank your stars it was not a vase!"


	4. Chapter 4

Big dark clouds, heavy with rain not fallen, rushed over a deepblue sky. The sun sparkled through the clouds, that seemed enormeos battleships sailing over the ocean, and diped Atlanta in a dramatic light. It was certainly a beautiful morning and people had gone outside to catch the warming sunrays after a week of continuous rain. They strolled over the pavements pretending it was Sunday and not a working-day. At least on Sunday they hadn't been able to go out. Still Scarlett could not understand their sillyness. How could anyone in this times effort to go out and promenade around as if they had the money to take a day free. Well, she had not and she wouldn't pretend so. Instead she took an observing glance in the mirror on her vanity to check on her appearance. She had dressed carefully in a deepgreen daydress. The ruffles on the skirt were each one framed with a broad darkgreen ribbon and edgings in the same colour. Aunt Pitty had sewn her a nice green velvet mantilla, which hems were boarded with darkgreen paisley as was the button-facing and a green pancake hat that matched her eyes. She smiled at herself. Her outfit accented her eyes and her milky skin. Yes, she was very pretty and certainly pretty enough to face Rhett Butler! With a smirk she grabbed the black buckskin gloves and ascended the stairs. On the bottom Mammy waited for her to hand her a warming scarf with a disapproving stare. „You's know I ain't happy 'bout yo ridin' outa town to dat mills of yous. Dat ain't proper! Riding out without male protection, what would yo dear mother say?"

„Oh hush Mammy! I don't want to hear you scolding me. In case you have forgotten, I have a family to take care of at Tara. There are at least ten people to get feed and clothed, not to mention the work that must be done with the cotton and on the house. So don't you dare scolding me! I do my very best so that we all have a roof over the head. Would you think that would be possible if I would bake cakes or paint porcellain? It would certainly not!" With that she snatched the scarf out of Mammys hands and stormed out of the door, not forgetting to slam it behind her. And for once in her life Mammy stood in silent disbelief starring at the door.

Scarletts temper hadn't really slown down when she reached Main street that carried her out of town. Why does anyone have to critize me, when all I do is trying to survive? Her frown smoothed when she turned around the corner and saw Rhett on his black stallion. She smiled inwardly as she took into his appearance. He was dressed as impeccably as ever in a brown pinstriped suite with a beige waistcoat and a brown silk cravat. A broad grin lightend his tanned features when he saw her carriage pulling towards him and he pured his horse to meet her half the way. „Good morning, my dear, how are you feeling?" Thank God, he is in a good mood and going to be nice. Scarlett thought thankfully as he tipped on his brown fedora and dismounted the black stud to tie it on the back of the carriage. When he rappeared beside her she smiled at him and slipped to a side to make room for him. „Oh quite well, thank you. I just had a fight with Mammy about me driving alone through the woods, I was just to tell her, that you would accompany me but than I thought to better left it unsayed. She would have blocked the door if she would have known." She frowned. Rhett shot her an amused glance and sattled himself comfortably in the seat taking the reigns out of her hands. „With a key or with herself?" Scarlett couldn't help but grin at this „Not, I think she might have positioned herself in front of the door without moving. How would I have gone out then?" She smiled at him. As always he was able to lighten her mood. The little quarrel with Mammy was nearly forgotten as was her bad mood of the previous days when she wasn't allowed to go out. Now finally she could go back to her mills and make sure that Johnson wasn't stealing from her, for she was sure he did! Briefly she tought about asking Rhett for advice but then decided against it. She didn't want to appear as though she needed help from him concerning her employees. She was very well captable of handling such a problem by herself. 

„Well I suggest you could've slipped out through the back door, if your err – desire for my company would not have subsided."

„That sounds a little bit to romantic, don't you think?" she asked cynically. But Rhett grinned at her „Wouldn't you like a bit of a romance in your dull marriage life?" He asked bitingly.

„My marriage is non of your business, Rhett Butler! And I ask you to not make comments on it!" came the angry retort. Why did he have to remind her of the horrible situation she was currently in? They had come along so well befor and now she felt a bad mood come over her once more. She didn't want to be reminded of her boring marriage, she felt caged, like an exotic bird, who wanted to open his wings and fly away! 

„Now Scarlett, I didn't meant to offend you. I just tried to tempt you." He grinned and Scarlett worked hard to surpress her smile. He was impossible! But nontheless was he the only one that really suceed in raising her spirits. „Oh your a scoundrel and I really don't know, why I'm allowing you to ecort me."

„Because, my dear, I'm the only one to whom you can confess your sins – only that I wouldn't call them sins but simply business achievements – without being juged."

„Oh you're right but sometimes you juge me harder than anyone else would. When you're in a bad mood you're certainly despicable. But when you're being kind, I'd say you're prbably right. Even if it pains me to acknowledge that." She smiled showing off her dimples which made Rhett laugh. „Maybe you're right, too. Shall I be nicer to you more often?" He asked with a strange glimmer in his eyes Scarlett couldn't quite put her finger on. Bashfully and uneasy she lowered her head towards her hands to avoid his gaze. What should she answer him? „I would love that. I'm very fond of you, when you aren't acting like a cad." She confessed silently and focused on the landscape rushing by not daring to look at him. 

„I shall try to be nicer then." Rhett said with a gentle tone in his voice leaving Scarlett more puzzled than she already was. Now he was acting nice again? This man changed his mood as much as his drawers! She flushed briefly at her thought. Now, look at me, thinking about Rhett Butlers underwear! She blushed profoundly scolding herself for such sillyness. 

Barely two weeks later Frank awaited Scarlett in the dining room with a most displeased expression on his face. Scarlett hadn't told him about her being accompanied by Rhett Butler nearly every day at the mills. As always she hadn't considered the effects of her action nor was she interested in Franks feelings. If only the mills were in order, she would be able to feed her family and keep a roof over their head. It had been a very successful day at the mills for she had made a good deal with an architect who was going to build some large depots outside town. Still summing a light tone, which had already enlighted Rhett in their way home, she now took off her bonnet and her gloves, letting Uncle Peter help her out of her mantilla. She noticed the old servant being reserved but it had been his habbit since he had refused to drive her out and she had brusquely told him that she would drive by herself then. „Good evenin' Miz Scarlett, Did you have a nice day?" 

„Oh yes, Uncle Peter. I think I made a good deal today that will ease my worriers about Tara a little bit, I hope." She smiled sweetly at him befor entering the dining room only to stopped dead in her tracks and observing her husband. He wore the most gravely expression she had ever seen and watched her silently enter the room and close the door behind him.

„Good evening, what - " she began, only to be silenced by him raising a hand.

„Mrs. Merriweather has called on me today in the store", he began meaningfully, without bothering to greet her „she told me she had seen you driving out of town with Rhett Butler!" His voice raised a bit with anger. Scarletts eyebrows knitted „Thats typical of that fat old cat to put her nose in other people business!" she fumed, her green eyes already sparkling with rage. „I'm very grateful for her to put her nose in other people business. She is a very helpful lady and consorted me for your sake, Mrs. Kennedy! So, what did you think about not telling me this?" She could tell he was rather furious, by referring her as his wife. But he couldn't match with Scarletts temper and she knew it. Hell, she knew that he knew it, too! „I must ask you to not see him anymore. People already started talking about you. I forbid you to go out from now on!"

Scarlett stared at him in disbelief. What did he just say? Letting the words sink in to understand their full meaning Scarletts eyes began to shoot green daggers at him „You – you what? You're trying to forbid me something? I will most certainly drive out to the mills as long as my situation allowes me to. I don't care what people talk about! Shall they talk if they have nothing better to do with their time! Bloody Mary, they should make use of the time they have to better their situations! I think if everyone would work as much as I do, they wouldn't be so poor and bitter at all! They're all waisting their time for nonsense. And trying to forbit me to see Rhett Butler! Why, he was the one that helped me escape out of Atlanta when the Yankees attacked. Everyone else left me alone in this house with a pregnant Melanie. Noone was there to help me when she delivered Beau and Rhett came and took us out of the burning city. And now you try to tell me what to do? That he would blacken my reputation? At least he's not a coward!" She yelled at him now on the top of her loungs. She hadn't paid much attention towards he speech and she didn't now, she only saw Frank getting smaller with each word she fired at him.

„Come now, sugar. You should be reasonable. It is not fitting for - " He tried to sooth her with kind words as his authority hadn't work. Oh, she was the most hot-headed woman he had ever met.

„I don't care what is fitting and what is not. And don't call me sugar!" She yelled back at him, still furious at his attempt of patronizing her.

Dinner had been eaten in utterly silence the only one who didn't notice the sour mood on the table being Wade who was confused but really happy about the attention his mother was directing at him. He never knew it helped her to avoid Frank and Aunt Pitty and took her thought away from their troubled faces. Scarlett soon retired to bed without more than a generally „Goodnight!" for everyone exept Wade who was donated with a soft peck on the forehead.

Later that evening when Scarlett already laid in bed, she felt Frank climbing in and hesitantly tried to embrace her, only to find her stifften in his arms and slipping away from him quickly. He led out a small sight and turned to the other side leaving her be. 

For Scarlett herself sleep didn't came early as she still felt a disturbing shiver run down her spine at his attemped to come near her. In the dark she listend to his snored trying desperatly to supress the tears that began building up in her eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

Hey folks! I'm sorry for not upating in a long time but I was on holidays and then I had to return to university and had to do a lot of work and then finally I wasn't able to log in. And until I realized that I could use firefox too, well... nevermind ;)

So I hope you will be enjoying this chapter even if it's a bit shorter than the other ones. But here we go! As always reviews make me happy and I love to be happy... haha!

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Scarlett lay in bed without moving. Her back facing her sleeping husband. She led out a small sob and pressing her fists against her eyes she forced her tears to dry before they purred out in a stream that she feared would never subside. Oh, she felt so miserable! She sold herself to this old maid to save Tara. Oh why didn't she just trust Suellen to have a heart and save her home, when they were in need?

She almost laughed at this. No, Suellen would have never sent her money to pay the horrid taxes. She rather would have bought new clothes not caring that her family was thrown out of the street.

"Why Scarlett, you own half of Pittypat Hamiltons house, why don't you go there?" She could nearly hear Suellens sugarsweet false voice uttering such nonsense. Living at Pittys? And bringing ten people with her? That was out of the question.

But why am I crying over spitted milk? These things are not to be redone. I couldn't have acted differently or I would have lost Tara. But I should have known, that my little "driving arrangement" could not be hidden. I should have known, that that fat old cat was to run directly off to Frank after meeting me and Rhett on Mainstreet.

_She remembered the face of old Lady Merriweather all to well. Rhett had made a joke of her appearance when he had seen her rushing in their direction like a flagship on its way into battle. Her beefily chin wobbled in indignation at seeing her driving out visibly pregnant with a villain like Captain Butler! And most notably enjoying herself in doing so! Mrs. Merriweather felt it being her downright duty to let Scarlett know of her disapproval._

"_Scarlett!" she began breathless "Scarlett, I'll have a word with you! Get down off that carriage immediately, I'll walk you home. To drive out in your state with a man! And of all people HIM!" she furiously shot Rhett a glance that could have easily killed him "What would your dear mother say? You're behaving shamelessly!"_

_Scarletts brows furrowed in an attack of irascibility. She draw her breath in an attempt to blurr a speech over the old cats head that she had never heard but then Mammys teachings came in her mind: __**You catch more flies with honey then with vinegar.**_

_Her face soften immediately to a pure façade of gentleness and softness. Rhett watched her in amusement as she throw her best southern belle smile at the pretentious Lady._

"_Oh Mrs. Merriweather. It's too good of you to worry on me." She was cut off by the other woman_

"_Don't try to fool me young Lady, your sweet and sickly speeches will not work. I tell you, that you're bringing shame on your mothers name!"_

_Rhett, who was sitting silently beside her the hole scene - only greeting the old cat with a jesting nod full of false reverence - was about to cut in as he saw Scarletts chin shiver slightly and tears forming in her eyes._

"_Mrs. Merriweather why are you being so mean to me? I just have to go to the mills. I not only have family in Atlanta to take care of. I'm responsible of nearly a dozens people at Tara, not only my family but Melanie and Ashley and little Beau, too. And I have to pay a half-yearly tax of 300 dollars. And Tara needs a new roof. There are so many things I have to take care of and I don't want to burden Frank anymore as he already is with his unsteady health. I'm only trying to maintain what my parents build with so much love and effort. And poor Pa isn't right in mind since Mother died and and-" she sobbed slightly leaving Mrs. Merriweather slightly uneasy in search of her handkerchief. But instead Rhett handed her without as much as a glance his one. _

"_Well, child. I know the war has taken it's toll on you and that you have very much to carry on your shoulders," Mrs Merriweather continued to palaver "but please mind your reputation. It has not been the whitest since," she hesitated to accuse Rhett again so openly "Well, you know what I mean and I hope my speech has awakened your decent senses." With that the old Lady departed with a vigorous aura._

_They had sat in silence afterwards for a few moments until Scarlett had dried her tears and returned Rhett his handkerchief. But he shrugged carelessly "Keep it. I'm quite taken aback by you sudden ability of acting a scene." He jested a bit to harsh. Scarlett shot him an annoyed look._

"_Well, the tear may not have been the most sincerest ones but." She stopped herself before uttering more and wailing on her situation like a silly ninny._

_Rhett slowed down the carriage and looked her intensely in the eyes. Scarlett felt she couldn't stand his gaze and lowered her eyes._

"_Scarlett, look at me. Your father has lost his mind?" She recognized something like genuine concern in his voice. A voice that was kind and comforting._

"_He- he has not been himself since Mother died." It was hard for her to keep her voice steady. Oh, how she hated being weak._

"_When did she-"_

"_Please, I don't want to talk about it!" Her voice failed to be sharp like Scarlett had intended but was merely pleadingly._

_Rhett nodded and for the rest of their ride they sat in silence._

Why he has never mentioned my little outburst anymore! Scarlett smiled slightly in the dark of her bedroom. Rhett was a varmint but he was a nice varmint, despite everything. She nearly giggled at this and only Frank moving next to her silenced the bubbles of laughter, that were about to escape her lips. She sighted and tried not to focus on the man lying beside her. It would do nothing good to continuously cry over it. She tried to concentrate on her breath in attempt to fall asleep but sleep wouldn't come easily tonight.

The next morning a pale Scarlett sat on the breakfast table with dark circles under her eyes and a cup of strong coffee in front of her. Early in the morning she had risen from her nonexistent sleep not able to stay in bed any longer. She had turned and tossed the whole night never getting more sleep than two hours at a time. She didn't know what had been wrong with her but her thoughts had kept her from reaching dreamland.

Her head was pounding from the sleepless night. She felt she couldn't focus her eyes on anything for a longer period. Everything seemed to fade into dust before her. Scarlett rubbed her eyes and rested her head on the table. It was a long time ago when she had allowed herself to let her guard down. She didn't felt like crying, she only felt like sleeping for weeks. She was so exhausted. The wood cooled her pounding temples. A sigh escaped her lips as she closed her eyes.

Mammy found her like this barely half an hour later. Her brow was furrowed with deep lines of concern. Her lamb inflicted too much work on herself. Miss Scarlett was able to carry much weigh on her shoulders but it seemed that she was overpowering herself now. Gently the old woman laid a hand on the arm of her mistress "Miz Scarlett, You's should wake up now. Ol' Mammy will make you some breakfast."

The soothing voice entered slowly Scarletts mind and for a second she was sure to be at Tara and she had had a frightening bad dream. But then her mind focused on her surroundings and her eyes cleared. She had fallen asleep on the table. Her head was pounding and her neck was so sore. "Don't bother yourself Mammy. I'm not hungry. I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to eat anything." She massaged her temples. Just why was she feeling so bad? She rubbed her neck in order to loosen its soreness but it was no use. She didn't felt up to go out for work today but then again she had to. She had to flee from this musty old house with its unnerving occupants. She needed someone to brighten her up. She smiled awkwardly. Well, she would've never believed to ever think something like that but she needed Rhett.


	6. Chapter 6

IN TIMES LIKE THESE

Hey everyone,

Here we go again. Thank you so much for the reviews, I was so happy to read them. You're wonderful. I hope you'll enjoy this chappy so let me hear about it ;)

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IN TIMES LIKE THESE

Despite the disapproval by Frank, Mammy and the Old Guard and her growing stomach Scarlett continued to drive to the mills nearly every day if the weather would allow it. Rhett Butler often awaited her out of town on his black stallion, mounted her carriage and took lead of the reigns. And Scarlett was happy to see him and she was happy for he would drive the wagon. Her horse was an old one and as bullheaded as a mule and whenever she wouldn't meet that black varmint she considered a friend her arms and back would be sore because of struggling against that stupid crock!

All of Atlanta was badmouthing her but Scarlett didn't pay attention. She occasionally complained about the fact that she seemed to be the most discussed topic in the cities sewing circles but deep in her heart she was indifferent. Just sometimes she was plagued by a nagging remorse: What would her mother say? She knew that Ellen would be horrified to learn what had become of her oldest daughter. A working and emancipated woman!

But Scarlett was so proud of herself. She didn't depend on a man. Well she had this one time, when she had needed money to pay the taxes on Tara but now she could easily do without a husband.

She didn't recognize herself anymore in the last weeks. She was so thoughtful and – she hated to admit it – vulnerable. It seemed that she had cried more times during the beginning of her pregnancy than in her entire life.

"My, Scarlett. What it the matter with you? I've never seen you so silent before. I dare say I like you better with your cutting remarks and your temper bringing out the best of you." His voice was mockingly but Scarlett sensed the concern beneath the surface. While the carriage pulled on Scarlett slightly turned to face him but was to lethargic to even bring up a false smile on her face let alone to get angry at Rhetts sarcastic statement.

She had been feeling dizzy the whole day since her little nightcap on the dining table and now she had suited herself more or less comfortable in the buggy, her eyes semi-closed and her body covered by the dark woollen blanket.

"If you're going to be nasty than I would prefer you to leave or to be silent." She wanted to sound angry but failed.

"Come now, my dear. Surely you aren't that angry with me? You know that I saved you from another boring day at Pitty's without my indispensable presence." He shot her a cheeky grin and clicked his tongue "And here I thought that you liked me in the role of your saviour in a shiny armour. But that should be the thanks for all my travails." He sighed dramatically but Scarlett was in no mood to joke.

"Well I certainly didn't ask you to drive me around. If my memory serves me correct you were the one to announce that you were going to drive me everyday!" she tried to snatch the reigns out of Rhetts hands but he only laughed and held her away with his outstretched arm. "Hell, what did you have for breakfast? Vinegar instead of coffee?"

"Get Out!" she screamed and tried to slap him somehow. She didn't know what was wrong with her. Maybe it was the lack of sleep, maybe the weather, or probably her whole situation but she only felt a great rage inside of her which made her want to send all of Atlanta to Halifax.

Rhett was able to get hold of her wrists and held her an arm length away from him. Scarlett struggled to free herself.

"Let me be! I said get out you low-down nasty cad! I wouldn't care if I were never to see you again! Get out!"

It was then that the world began spinning around her. An uncomfortable groan escaped her lips and she felt her stomach revolting. Frantically Scarlett held her head out of the buggy as she regurgitated her meagre breakfast. Rhett quickly brought the carriage to a stop und skilfully held her head while she threw up everything in her stomach.

Tears of shame streamed down her face and she wasn't able to face Rhett. Oh now he would tease her to the end of her days. She sobbed uncontrollably hiding her face in her hands.

"You're a fool to cry Scarlett. Surely you know that I'm not like the gentlemen who thing that women are not human beings who get sick above all when they're pregnant."

At his words Scarlett only cried harder. He handed her carefully his handkerchief and Scarlett whipped her mouth and her tears away but they wouldn't stop streaming. She had never felt so humiliated in her whole life. She had vomited in front of a man who was not her husband and of all men on this world it had to be Rhett Butler.

She felt the acid taste in her mouth and burrowed her face deeper in her hands. She felt Rhett jump off the carriage. "There, now I drove him away. How can I possibly ever look him in the eyes again." She thought but in the next moment she felt him climbing into the carriage again and pulling her hands away to whip her face with a cool wet cloth.

"Come now, Scarlett. Don't be ashamed." He sighted when he realized that his soothing did nothing to calm her. "Come here, honey." And took her in his arms. She felt his arms thighten around her and his warmth lulling her into his soothing words. She felt his chest vibrating slightly when he spoke and she burrowed her face in the curve of his neck. She sighted heavily at the feeling of security he gave her. He had always protected her when she had needed him. And he had never left her before he had not made sure that she was save. Even when he wasn't able to give her the money to pay the taxes on Tara he searched her immediately after being released for making sure that she was taken care of and that she had somehow got the money. How she had been angry that time but now she realized that he hadn't visited her for making fun of her but for reassuring that he had everything she needed. He hadn't let her down. And even now, when she was carrying another man's child he was there for her, making sure that nothing was going to happen to her.

And suddenly it hit her with all the force possible. It knocked the air out of her lungs and she remained breathless while the sensation of pure realization exploded within her and run up and down her whole body. She was so shocked that her sobs immediately subsided. It was him who she longed for to be near her. Not Ashley, never Ashley. No, Rhett was the one that protected her. He was the one who brought a happy smile on her face, who made her stomach flutter with delight every time she saw him. How could she have been so blind all those years that she had known him? How could she never realize the love that overpowered her now?

She hadn't noticed that she held her breath. Rhett had released her out of his embrace and looked at her with questioning eyes. She stared at him in shock a moment and then quickly cast her gaze down. He couldn't know about this. What was she going to do? Suddenly she was afraid, afraid that his feelings might not be the same as hers.

"Scarlett, what's wrong with you today?" He sounded unsure and not as confident as always.

"Please, just take me home." She stared straight on the horses back without seeing anything.

"Scarlett, what-?"

"Please Rhett, don't ask me any questions. I can't – I can't tell you." She pleaded wringing her hands.

"Of course you can! You can tell me everything. You know that, don't you?"

But Scarlett wasn't listening at him anymore. She didn't feel his intense stare on her. But instead her mind was floated with memories.

_Memories of the two of them meeting for the first time. It had been at the barbeque at Twelve Oaks. That was a lifetime ago. So much had changed since then but now it seemed to her as if she was reliving the moment she entered the hall and her eyes fell on the man standing alone at the staircase staring at her with cool impertinence. She remembered thinking about never seeing a man as muscular and sunburned yet elegant as him. He had smiled at her showing his white, animal like teeth while his glance roamed down her body as if he was mentally undressing her. She remembered about being irritated that his gaze didn't offend her, as it should have._

_Then later they had met in the library, after the embarrassing scene between her and Ashley. She still went red when she thought about it. How she had hated him in that moment. How she wanted to scratch that self-confident smile from his face. But he had never told anyone about that happening just as he had promised at the Atlanta Bazaar, where he had bet 150 Dollars in gold just to dance with her because he had seen in her face, that she wanted nothing more than to dance. And how divinely he had danced the waltz with her. It had been "When this cruel war is over". He had asked her to sing it for him and even now she remembered her singing it._

"_Dearest Love, do you remember?_

_When we last did meet?_

_How you told me that you loved me kneeling at my feet._

_How proud you stood before me in your suit of grey._

_When you vowed to me and country, nevermore to stray._

_Weeping, sad and lonely, hopes and fears, how vain!_

_When this cruel war is over praying then to meet again._

_When the summer breeze is sighing, mournfully along,"_

_That evening had caused her reputation to shatter into pieces. She had never recovered from that event. But she couldn't care less._

_Then he had brought her a hat from Paris. Oh how she had loved that cute little thing. Now she was able to smile about the way he had teased her then when she was sure he was going to kiss her. She had worn that hat so long until Rhett had prohibited her to wear it anymore because it was completely worn out._

_Scarlett remembered the countless times Rhett had accompanied her to social events or called on her at Aunt Pitty's. She remembered how Rhett had wrapped everyone around his little finger and then affronted them all with his political statements. _

_She remembered the evening Aunt Pitty had invited to dinner and Rhett had shown of unannounced and had charmed Pittypat so much that she couldn't refuse him. They had had a wonderful dinner and afterwards Scarlett had played the piano and they had sung together his clear bass steadying her slightly hoarse soprano. She couldn't recall what song it had been but that wasn't important._

_And then the night Atlanta surrendered. How afraid she had been. How scared and lonely she had felt until Rhett had come to bring her out of the burning city. Melly had given birth to her son that night. What a horrible night and journey it had been. But Rhett had protected her all the way out of Atlanta. He had stolen for her. And then later on, on the road to Rough and Ready he had kissed her. Kissed her the way no one else had ever kissed her. She had felt as if the whole world had vanished underneath her feet, as if only the two of them existed. She never understood why he had left her there alone on her way to Tara and she never would, but she had put that anger aside. He had said that it was his conscience that wouldn't let him get his peace. Probably that was the real reason. Probably not – she didn't know._


	7. Chapter 7

**I know, it has been a very long while. But I won't bother you with explanations. I just hope you enjoy the new chapter!  
**

IN TIMES LIKE THESE

Breathlessly she closed the front door behind her, leaning her back against it. With one hand on her throat and the other one hanging down on her side holding her gloves she leaned her head back until it hit the door. What was she supposed to do now? Her heart was beating like the one of a scared rabbit and her breath came in gasps. She closed her eyes. Her hands trembled as she tried to open the sash of her bonnet under her chin. She knew her cheeks were flushed and she was thankful for Mammy not being around. As she finally managed to pull the bonnet off her head she swept away the cold sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand. Desperately she tried to calm down her breath but it was no use. Her eyes flew across the hall without registering anything. She wasn't able to form a clear thought. Putting her gloves and hat on the dresser her whole body shivered and she slowly started to climb up the stairs to her bedroom.

Faintly she dropped on her bed starring to the ceiling. What on gods earth was she supposed to do now? Briefly her mind flew back to ride home on Rhetts side. She had never in her life been so nervous as the ten minutes she had to spend near him. How could she have been so blind in all those years that she had known him? How could she have been so stupid not to see what was lain in front of her? Just the thought of him made her stomach flutter. The imagination of his dancing eyes, his cheeky grin, his warm laughter, the way he used to hold her that night on the road at Rough and Ready, the way he'd kissed her.

She pressed her hand against her eyes. "Stop it Scarlett! You're getting foolish. You're married. He shall never know about your feelings." She tried her best not to led the tears drop that where forming in her eyes. Now she had finally found what she was always looking for in her dreams, in her nightmares and now she shouldn't be able to get what she wanted. This was a mess! Roughly she sat up, her head spinning lightly as she started to pace the room. Just the thought about seeing him daily and not being able to be near him taunted her. Why now? She knew she wouldn't be able to just admire him from far away, as she did with Ashley.

Ashley. She almost laughed at her infuration about him. Dreamy, helpless Ashley. He would probably forever be on her mercy. She now understood what he had said to her years ago, that the loved she used to feel for him was no love to build a marriage on. She would have hated him, she knew he had been right. He had been her childhood dream when she was supposed to have a childhood dream when all other girls had one. And then later on he had been the only one left of her precious life before the war. He had reminded her of everything that was gone. Her childhood friend, a person she could trust because he knew her all her life – but still didn't know her. But was that right? He had left Melly to her because he knew that she would never let harm overcome her kin. Because he knew that she was strongwilled enough to survive the war and everything that would be thrown at her. And he had been right. Again.

Scarlett stopped pacing and walked slowly to the window that faced the street. Few people and carriages where passing. Was he also right, that she, despite everything she had done, was good? That she was strong, even when she felt lost? That she was pure, even when she was sure she had seen hell? That she was innocent, even when she was guilty of dreaming for years for her sister in law's husband?

This was clearly too much! She returned to the bed and lay down. Closing her eyes she hoped that sleep would overcome her – in the middle of the day.

Certainly that was not going to happen, for Scarletts mind was too much in turmoil to be calmed down. She tossed and turned in bed and finally sat up with an annoyed groan. This was surely not working.

She went down to the living room sitting down in an armchair in order to read but after a half page she closed the book and threw it carelessly back on the little table beside her. After a minute, in which she had stared into nothing she stood up and went to a window to look out into the rain. She could scream. She had no idea what she was going to do now. This was hell! She shouldn't be pacing around like an insane.

Two days passed more or less in this manner. It rained constantly and Scarlett was grateful for that, so she hadn't to handle Rhett. She remained at home and tried to avoid everyone: She stood up late, when she was sure that Frank had gone to the store and went to bed directly after an almost silent dinner. She tried to occupy herself with sewing, reading, playing with Wade but all of these motherly tasks made her want to scream. Se felt like a caged bird. Every night she felt the bed shifting under Franks weight, when he came to bed. Every night he turned his back at her to sleep. He had fulfilled his obligation as a husband by getting her pregnant. Scarlett was grateful that he wasn't touching her anymore. But only the thought about lying near his old body when she could lie in the arms of a certain man made her go crazy.

"Miss Scarlett, you've got a caller." She heard the deep voice of Mammys outside of the door. She had stayed in her room the morning not feeling up to talk to anybody. "Who is it, Mammy?" she opend the door and saw the old maids face. Her bottom lip was pursed in disapproval, her face looking exactly like the personification of a tempest. Of course Scarlett immediately knew who the caller was. She had been afraid of this moment as well as she had awaited this moment with impatience. What would she tell him. Would he even have a clue about what was going on within her? No, he couldn't possibly know. She stood on the door starring right in Mammys face like a mentally disturbed woman.

"You, Miss Scarlett know perfectly well who it is."

Scarlett cleared her throat nervously. "Then please tell Captain Butler to wait in the parlor. I will be down shortly." She closed the door in Mammys face and rushed to her vanity table. Well, she was pale as always. She was about to pick up the rouge box but then decided against it. Rhett had never liked it when she wore it. She contented herself with putting some cologne behind her ears and on her wrist and opened the door to descent the stairs.

While she went down the stairs she wringed her hands nervously. Rhett surely would know that something was wrong with her. Well nothing was wrong of course. No – it couldn't be worse! She was going to meet with the man she was desperately in love with. She was about to storm up the stairs, lock herself up in her room to never come out again. But her hand was already on the doorknob to the parlor. No, what was her hand doing? It wasn't what she wanted. Yeas it was. Of course she wanted to see him. She had pined over him. Her head was full of him. She couldn't think about something else.

There.

Now the door was open.

She saw Rhett turning around in his usual confident mode. She gave him a shy smile and entered the parlor. She didn't notice his raised eyebrow as she closed the door behind her. "So how are you? I hope you're feeling better?" She nodded and tried not to look at him.

"Don't be embarrassed. You know I don't care about what happened." She nodded again ans told him in a rough voice "I'm not…embarrassed."

"So what is wrong with you? Why aren't you even looking at me? Come on Scarlett. You should know me better than that. I promise I won't make fun of you about that, never." He made a step towards her but Scarlett moved away. "Rhett, you… you can't stay here. You have to go. I can't stand it." She couldn't meet up with his intense stare and a moment later she felt his hands on her shoulders. "Scarlett. We're friends you and me. What ever is troubling you, you can tell me. I just want to help you. What is wrong with you?"

For the first time in this very conversation, well it was more of a monologue, she lifted her gaze up to meet with his eyes. "There… there's nothing wrong with me. I, I just… I can't tell you." She tried to sneak out of his grasp.

"Please, Scarlett. Tell me what's bothering you."

She smiled at him unsure "I-I have never felt better in my life than in this moment. I…" she stopped looked at him and tried to read in his eyes what he was thinking.

"My God-" He encircled her shoulders with his arms and pressed her against his chest. She felt the warmth of his body though the fabric of their cloth. She could feel his face buried in her hair. Her heart was pondering widely in her chest.

She didn't know for how long they had been standing like this. Everyone encircled in the strong embrace of the other. She realized that if anyone would come in they would be in a most compromising situation. When she tried to pull away Rhetts arms would hold her even stronger.

"No, please let go of me." She tried to protest weakly.

"No, I won't let you go anymore. Say that you love" He murmured heatedly against the soft skin of her neck.

"No, no I don't." she stammered.

"Yes, you do. Admit it. I've seen it in your eyes. I can feel it in your embrace. Admit it."

"I can't. I –"

"You love me. I know you do. And I love you. It isn't that difficult to say it."

He loved her. He loved her. He loved her. I pondered in her head. It wasn't all in vain. Everything had a sense now. They were made for each other. They loved each other. They – She was married.

"I-I do. I love you." She stammered as in the very same moment Rhett began pressing heated kisses on her neck, on her cheeks on her eyelids. "But-", and she finally managed to free herself "I won't do anything. We won't do anything. I'm married. I will not do anything to disgrace my family. As much as I would-" she bit her tongue. She had never seen Rhett so deranged, so confused like in this moment. He now was not at all the arrogant, self-confident varmint she often accused him to be. He didn't look exactly hopeless or defeated. But he was visibly confused. He took a deep breath to calm his nerves and passion and run one hand trough is thick, black hair. "And what are we then supposed to do?" He asked with a slightly trembling voice.


End file.
